Hello all. I've done a lot of processing of abuse, neglect, abandonment, endangerment, manipulation, invalidation, exploitation, scapegoating and gaslighting I experienced from four narcissistic parents. I'm absolutely drained and second-guessing myself. And I want to make a few things clear (probably mostly to myself). When I share about the abuse, I'm not shaming and blaming anyone. I'm trying to get out from under the false shame and blame that was laid on me.
Is that just blame and shame shifting (putting on others)? I don't know. I'm not intentionally placing it on them, just getting it off me. If blame, by association, lands on the perpetrators of the abuse, it's something I can't help. And is it really a bad thing to sort out who is responsible? If blame and shame is so bad, why was it okay for me to be subjected to it all my life? Why was I made wrongly responsible for their actions? It has ruined large parts of my brain. I've been miserable with it as long as I can remember.
The voices in my head are saying, well if you know how it feels to experience shaming and blame, why would you want to put someone else through it? And they would be right in asking if I was putting it on an innocent bystander. But my parents are not innocent. They're the ones who created this hell with their neglect, abuse, abandonment, endangerment, etc.
I'm just saying what happened instead of believing the lies and distortions. I'm identifying what's mine and what's not. I'm sorting people's issues into the right baskets instead taking them all into mine. All I'm trying to do is heal the CPTSD it caused me and undo the damage of gaslighting. Acknowledging abuse, neglect, etc, helps put it in perspective for me. It helps me understand how I was hurt by it, where I can correct unsafe beliefs, hopefully, and how, maybe, I can live a healthier life.
If my getting some relief means they get held accountable for their bad treatment of me, well, maybe better choices should have been made.
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