Greetings friends! Today's post about how I lost 100 pounds focuses on diet fail, or when weight loss doesn't happen, despite your best efforts. Along the path there were and are still roadblocks. What caused me not to lose weight varied. Sometimes it was a "fattitude" problem (an obesity mindset that causes one to cheat on diet and then play the blame-shame game). Other times it was a completely different problem. I've talked about fattitude but now let's explore when weight loss fail is something more.
Lately, I've been really tired, like exhausted, where before I had loads of energy, especially after weight loss. Even in obesity I've had more energy than I do now, it seems. It feels like I've tried everything: vitamins, sleep, working less, getting out more. I even tried working more, on the "damn the torpedoes" theory that more is more, you know, don't just sit there, do something? Not a very healthy theory--and one usually espoused by people who have never felt depression and exhaustion, just saying. And I'm frustrated because those things worked once. So what has changed?
Well, we were under Covid 19 quarantine for over a year. Plus, I've been off work for a long shoulder surgery recovery. Plus, my husband and I had a prolonged bout of Covid 19 followed by vaccinations which gave us Covid 19 like symptoms. Plus, for over 4 years, my husband has been working 12-hour nights and weekends. I've tried to keep up with that schedule, staying up late when he's home so he doesn't have to change his schedule and so we can actually see each other, then going to bed earlier when he's working.
Plus I've been working to lose weight again and following the 1200 calorie diet. I'm probably actually eating a lot less than 1200 calories. So finally, I'm adding these things up and finding, if not solutions, at least awareness. Because if I've learned one thing from coronavirus (Covid 19) and also weight loss, it's to take nothing for granted. Pay attention to and factor in all details.
When I was deep in obesity, I ignored, downplayed, grinned and bore, and stuffed a lot of stuff (like my grammar, LOL?). Emotions, stressful situations, the fact that I was way overweight. And anytime something went wrong, or I thought it had or someone else thought it had, I went into auto blame-shame. I took responsibility for a lot of things that weren't my problem or that I couldn't fix. That was part of the fattitude and how I got overweight in the first place.
I think I'm doing that again: getting out of touch with needs, letting blame-shame voices in my head tell me I'm failing or lazy when I'm just tired. I'm probably not taking into account lowered metabolism from eating or resting too little and generally not taking care of myself. And we none of us know much about the long-term effects of coronavirus or that vaccine. Exhaustion and depression could very well be lingering effects.
I think I need to give myself permission to feel the tiredness and do what I can to feel better. If it works, keep doing it, if not, stop. This is how I lost 100 pounds the first time around. And while I'd like to lose weight again, this is about more than weight loss. It's about getting healthier metabolism, biorhythms and emotional balance.
Thanks so much for reading! This was a meandering post but necessary. Because I suspect I'm not alone in these struggles, with weight loss but also with emotional wellness. If you need permission to take care of yourself, let me be the one to give it you <3 Love, mar
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