Hi guys checking in to share an update on my bout with Covid 19. Since getting the virus, I've been unable to shake symptoms of exhaustion, anxiety, agoraphobia and paranoia. I also started dieting again to lose weight gained after shoulder surgery. I'm not sure if it's diet burnout or stalled metabolism (from Covid 19 or too much calorie restricting) or some combination or something else entirely.
In May, I had three weeks of intense Covid 19 symptoms, including persistent cough, congestion, headache, weight loss, dehydration, nausea, body aches, recurrent fever and diarrhea. I decided to get the two-prong Pfizer vaccine just to be safe and had to wait two weeks. Then there was a 3-week wait period for the second vaccine. It's been about 2.5 weeks since the last one but the exhaustion will not go away. I've tried vitamin B 100 and upping the iron. I can't say I feel a big difference but am going to give it time.
I also have a weird sensation of agoraphobia and have to force myself to leave the house. Once I'm outside, I'm better, but still tired. I'm usually a very energetic person. Prior to shoulder surgery, I was a Shipt shopper and plan to go back to Shipt when I'm cleared to lift 25 pounds. But I'm dreading going back. I feel paranoia driving and anxiety just being in the store.
I guess it's not true paranoia as I don't fear people or have suspicious thoughts. I'm just more nervous and worried. I've tried eating more than the 1200 calorie diet, hoping that carb and calorie restricting is causing a metabolism drop and lowered resistance to anxiety, stress, etc. I honestly think metabolism is the key here. But I worry that it's not. (Do you get the vicious cycle going on here?)
As for the agoraphobia, I know I just have to push past it. Once I get back to Shipt, I'm hoping I'll just be too busy to think about it. If that works, I'll know it's not true agoraphobia because it's not managed that easily. So that will be a relief. It's weird too because I had a lot of anxiety with obesity and anxiety in part caused obesity. With weight loss, a lot of depression was healed. I've been able to lose weight and I feel better about that.
And then there are the voices in my head that tell me I'm just imagining or exaggerating it. But Al-Anon has taught me that this is unhealthy stinkin thinkin. Then I worry that I'm just lazy. That was anathema, growing up. Work till ya burnout (stinkin thinkin). Give too much. Try to fix everyone's problems (more stinkin thinkin). But God forbid you're lazy. So I became a Type A overachiever and ended up feeling like a failure every time I couldn't go above and beyond.
In times past, I didn't take my feelings seriously (another link to obesity, believe it or not). I still don't sometimes. I have to stonewall before I realize there's a problem. I don't always trust myself and second-guessed all the time. That led to tons of problems. Al-Anon has also taught me that easy does it. And (I love this Al-Anon slogan) don't just do something, sit there. So I'm going to give myself space to feel what I feel. Just like I would any friend who was experiencing similar things.
Thanks for walking through this with me. I'm learning that weight loss is about a lot more than calorie restricting or diet! It's about mental health and self-awareness.
No comments:
Post a Comment