Hi friends. Adult child of dark tetrad parents here with more thoughts on healing the CPTSD they cause. I was traumatized by four parents (two bio and their partners they said were my parents but where actually my taskmasters). I'm going to share one critical thing that kids or adult kids struggling with CPTSD must NEVER do with dark tetrad parents. And that thing is one of the very things that children should be able to do with their parents. But everything with them is twisted, including normal things most kids take for granted.
And I say one thing but there are hundreds of normal things dark tetrad (exploitative, malicious, bullying, self-centered) parents fubar for their kids. So this in one deadly thing not to do in an ocean of deadly things. And that is to confide in them. To share private things with a dark tetrad is to douse yourself in gasoline and light a match.
Before you say it, I know what you're thinking. WTH? Kids are supposed to share with their parents. We teach them to. That's our job as parents to be there for them. I know, right? That's what I mistakenly thought too. That's how I parented my kids. Not perfectly, no one is. And parents may not always respond in an optimal way.
They might tell the kid to be honest and then get mad. That's human nature. And a healthy parent will calm down and apologize. A dark tetrad on the other hand, uses it against the child. With fake sweet assurances they lure the child into sharing something and then mock her for it. Or punish her. They announce a child's most private, intimate sharing at the dinner table. And to relatives at gatherings. They may as well take out an effing billboard.
Why do they do this? Secrets are bargaining chips for them. A child's trusted confidences are tools to blackmail her with. Even simple things like "I wet my pants at school" become weapons to shame the child. Because dark tetrads are full of darkness, their secrets are dark and dirty. They gaslight the child into believing hers are too.
What the child's usually are, are someone else's dirty secrets she's keeping for them. Or they are consequences of dirty things that have been done to her by parents and the dangerous people they bring into her life. If the confidence is upsetting in some way, the parents are usually responsible. But the deceitful parent blows it up into something horrible the child has done wrong and is at fault for.
It's not just awkward things you can't share with dark tetrads. It's anything. Good news, a success you've had, an innocent thing that happened, everything has a dark value to them. Everything can be exploited and twisted into something to hurt you with. They can't be trusted with anything.
And if you're tempted to think, oh how could this cause problems? Surely I can share this and it will be good for both of us. Well, be ready. They're not called dark for nothing. They have wells of dark toxins from which to draw. And they're masters of the long game. They'll stew on things for years, concocting ways to punish you. Then pull them out when you're vulnerable and you won't see it coming till they've gotcha'd you.
And probably not even then. You'll just be left reeling in pain and wondering where the actual THAT came from. You may even gaslight yourself that you did something to provoke the attack. You didn't. They just want you to think you did. I mean after all, these are good "Christian" people who would never backstab a loved one?? Yeah they would and regularly. It's their modus operandi.
So why would they exploit you? They don't love you or anyone. They love themselves and use people. For props, leverage, to pit against someone else they don't like. The list is endless. But don't look for any reasonable reason. That way leads to peril. They want you to overthink what you did or said. They want you to second-guess and blame yourself.
We don't want to think that our parents would be so nasty. And we want to believe the best of others. I certainly have. But it comes at our own expense. I've been burned every single time I trusted them. So if you dig for motives, what you will find, as I have, is that they are pathetic, pathologically jealous, small-minded, petulant, hateful, vindictive, spiteful, malicious, deceptive, scheming control freaks. They lie by habit, even it would be in their best interests to tell the truth.
And don't forget, you do not exist except to serve. So everything about you, your thoughts, ideas, wants, needs, experiences are about them. How they can use it to their advantage. Preferably by screwing you over at the same time. Bonus added. You are just fodder for their voracious greed, hate and lust for power. They literally feed off you and every time we stoke their furnace, they get bigger.
So why do we? It begins in infancy. They exploit us as babies, kids, teens and later adults. But we've been so gaslight, shamed and bullied by them that we don't see how treacherous they are. We've been indoctrinated into the cult of mommy and daddy and all the sick weirdos they hook up with. We think we're family and that they care for us like parents. What we don't know is that they view us as extensions of themselves, possessions. We exist to serve their self-serving and twisted ends.
So I repeat. Do NOT share anything with a dark tetrad parent. It will come back to bite you. Oh they'll pump you for information, for sure. Even things like how much you make or have in the bank. Things they have no right to ask, they will. They'll fake a genuine interest or concern in your health, your grandkids, troubles you're having, anything. They don't care. They're just squirreling away info, like nuts, for future use.
My mom once exploited my car troubles to sell me a lemon of a car and steal mine. She left me and my kids stuck in a bank drive-thru in that wreck and just pocketed the money she made on my car. So now I answer questions with short vague answers or not at all. Lie if you have to. It's okay because truth with them is too dangerous. I bought a new car with cash but said I had a note on it. Because my mom, true to form, immediately began calculating how much I could give them if I had $ for a new car. There is no truth in their world, just dark webs of lies. If you're honest, you're just casting your pearls before swine.
Look to them for nothing. Tell them nothing. If you owe them money, pay it back and get out. Don't borrow any more. Accept nothing. It will be a Trojan Horse.
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