Hello my friends. Since I stumbled on the term dark tetrad to describe narcissistic, exploitative, psychopathic and sadistic personalities, I realized it fits my four parents (two bio, two step) to a T. Today I'm going to explore what dark tetrad people think they are and what they really are. I'm going to be very honest here and not mince words. Their behavior is disturbing and frankly, from the perspective of a child of dark tetrads, disgusting. I've been covering and making excuses for this behavior all my life. And at 60, I can't afford to anymore. This is my rage against the dying of light that was stolen from me.
1) They think they are alluring and irresistible. We see them as weirdly seductive, inappropropriately sexual and creepy flirty especially with much older or younger people. They dress oddly out of place in attention-seeking ways. They act coy, precocious and make odd, trout-pouty facial expressions. They talk in babyish voices and will even feign a lisp. Think the Love's Baby Soft ad. Or they turn on the vamp. Everything is done to provoke an unhealthy response.
2) They fancy themselves the hottest thing in the room. We see them as just another pretty face, no more no less. They make everything a beauty contest and if anyone else is attractive, they cut them down behind their backs, calling them "trampy" or worse. They scorn them for wearing the same types of clothing they wear. We are confused by their spite.
3) They think they're naughty and outrageous, making everything nauseatingly about sex. Even and especially to their kids. They weaponize it. They exploit it and lead others to sin. And then attack them behind their backs for it. Been there, had that done to me. We find them uncomfortable and distasteful.
4) They see themselves as bold truthtellers. They criticize and judge behavior harshly and often unfairly. But they do it in cowardly backhanded ways. They lie, distort and deceive. They start malicious rumors, whisper behind people's backs and spread gossip. Their honeyed voices drip poison. They collect fake intel on people like trading cards. Doesn't matter if it's true or not. They repost nasty things they see on social media. We see them as hypocritical, self-righteous and morally bankrupt.
5) They think they are in an exalted position (or at least want us to think they are). They want us to believe that their have special privileges. After all their muck-raking, they blatantly do the very things they have just faulted other people for. They twist commandment breaking into good deeds. My mother called her affairs with married men and helping obtain an abortion (which she has always been loudly opposed to) as outreach ministry. She spun moving her boyfriend in (while still trotting us to church) as another form of charity. This I did believe because I was so gaslit. Other people saw it for what it was: adultery, fornication, child endangerment and abuse. And murder, frankly.
6) They think they're cute, charming, witty. They talk and act in exaggerated ways. They fly high in social situations, talking luridly and oddly. They flout common courtesy and social norms. They laugh loudly, at the wrong times and in inappropriate places, like funerals. My mother smeared pie in my face at a social gathering. She thought she was so funny. Everyone else thought she was tedious and embarrassing.
7) They tell everyone they're shy and retiring then go out of their way to be the center of attention. Then do very attention-seeking things to humiliate others and blame it on their "discomfort in social situations." For decades, my mother has made family gatherings all about herself. And then made up stories about how "her family" (it was never mine) was so awful to her. This was designed to engage sympathy and in her husband's case, provoke him to anger (he didn't need much setting off).
8) They see themselves as always above reproach. It's always someone else's fault. If they did wrong, they didn't mean to. If confronted, they adopt a helpless, naive or even senile pose designed to engage pity. They open their eyes wide and lie to your face. They "forgot" anything they did wrong. But have an encyclopedic memory for things they say others did to them. We see them as fake posers.
9) They see themselves as calm, rational, mature leaders. They will adopt a weird low-pitched, intense melodramatic tone of voice when relating some bad thing someone has supposedly done. But it barely conceals their malignant glee and scorn. But if you should call them on it or even just seem to question them, they will alarmingly crack wide open. And you'll see the immature, irrational hot mess they are. And you do not want to be in their path when that happens.
10) They pretend to be honest and straightforward but are as deceptive and crooked as a snake in the grass. Actually that's not fair to snakes. They can't help it. Dark tetrads can. They continually change masks to suit their purpose. You never know which face you're getting. They don't have a real face because they've been so duplicitous.
In conclusion, dark tetrads are not safe people to be in relationships with. It's unfortunate, especially if they are your parents. But you don't have the luxury of the same kind of interaction people with healthier parents have. Just another of the many things dark tetrad parents fubar for their kids.
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