Hello my friends. I've not written in a few days because I've been working on my taxes. And I realized that this has some allegorical connects for me as a child of dark tetrad (narcissistic, exploitative, psychopathic, sadistic) parents. The tax man cometh for the dark tetrad, in the form of consequences of their lifetime of arrogant, disagreeable, spiteful, manipulative, cruel actions.
I've gathered this from 60 years of watching my two dark tetrad parents and their spouses and how it played out for them. For background, I've used stories they and others have told, too. I'm going to write this in series or step by step format, to show the logical progression of results coming full circle.
Cruel, hurtful, entitled child and teenage dark tetrad behaviors. Narcissists might be grown from childhood trauma but dark tetrads are born. They may start out as normalish kids but quite soon, they begin acting risky, impulsive, selfish, arrogant and cruel. My dad told stories with pride, of humiliating others, injuring animals and flouting his parents. My mother grandly spoke of endangering younger siblings, being pathologically jealous of them and going out of her way, as an adult, to one-up and outshine them (including her her sister's wedding). She kicked me out of my room and moved her brother and his girlfriend into it, not to help them but to hurt me and my grandparents.
She was proud of damaging a beautiful dress her mom had made her so she could give a piece of it to a boy they didn't approve of. She didn't do this for him but to spite her parents. She often told (with venom) how her mother had "hit her over the head with a milk bottle" and then lied and said she never hit me when she did regularly. So you might say these are normal child experiences and perhaps they are, but there's an element of maliciousness that normal kids don't have. Because dark tetrads have too little humility and remorse and have an overabundance of entitlement.
Increasingly boundary stomping and manipulative behaviors in young adulthood. Normal people learn from their mistakes and try to make healthier choices. The only thing a dark tetrad learns is that they got away with it. The more they "get away with" the more entitled they become. They get arrogantly (and naively) convinced that the universe (God, whoever they believe is in power) is rewarding them. Their self is boundless. Very shortly, they are confusing themselves with God. And so they become...
More audacious and outrageous. Armed with the universe's unilateral imprimatur, they believe they are now invincible and can do no wrong. Nothing can touch them. They can and do all manner of blatantly ridiculous, impulsive, insane or cruel things because God smiles benevolently on it all. They are completely shameless and blameless. They are ubermenschen, beautiful, superior and flying high above mere mortal rules and conventions. But they are also
Competitive and jealous AF. So the arrogant entitlement should mean dark tetrads are completely happy in their selfish world. But they aren't. Both because they are never satisfied and because there's a little black spot in their sun called "other people." It's not enough that they have carte blanche to do as they please. It's not enough that they should succeed. Others must not. Other people must do as the dark tetrad pleases, too. And that is to fail. Dark tetrads only feel good if others are feeling bad (ashamed lonely, stupid). Preferably by something the dark tetrad has done.
Rule-breakers and also rule-makers. It's also no fun for them to be above the rules unless rules are rigidly enforced on others. They will even create rules to hold others to, so that they can lord over them, how above it they are. They usurp power, drain resources and become increasingly more tyrannical and demanding. They're hypocritical, haughty, preachy and judgmental. Shaming, one-upping, finger-pointing, set-ups, stings and "whistle-blowing" are aphrodisiacs of choice. But it doesn't last and with age, they become more and more..
Enraged, Pathetic, pouty, passive-aggressive. Dark tetrads blow through relationships like most people change underwear. Well, I say relationships but they are far too far up their own asses to relate. They bulldoze and burn people who are unlucky enough to be in their path. But little by little, the stepped on get the picture and back away. And when the dark tetrad realizes that they are no longer the hottest thing in the room they become the most pitiful. They go into full on pathetic, even feigning disability and dementia and claiming diminished responsibility. They play on sympathy and extort shame-induced caretaking from others. But it's the same song just different verse. It's not a pretty sight. This is also the time when most significant others have cut them off.
And this is when the tax man takes his pound of flesh, to mix a metaphor. All their high flying, ruthless machinations have come crashing down. One by one, their fantasies have proved fake. There's no one left to exploit or gull, to scapegoat or blame. No one's playing the fool or even watching the show. The dark tetrad is alone and miserable and raging for attention, but there's no one to see or help. They have to dig themselves out or not. And because they've never really had to be accountable, they're stuck. And it's even less pretty than the pouty rage stage.
If you've been a minion of the dark tetrad, it's now that you'll feel compelled to rush in and bail them out. That's the worst thing you could do. Now is the time for reality to bite really hard. The only way God can get through is if enablers get out of the way. It's the only thing that can save them. I'll blog more about that later.
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