Hello my friends. To heal CPTSD from abuse by four narcissistic parents, I'm writing a series on normal things that dark tetrad (selfish, arrogant, manipulative, cruel) parents fubar for their kids. These are everyday things most kids experience normally which the abused kid experiences abnormally or the reverse of. . Today we're looking at confidence, self-concept and self-esteem.
You know how most parents want what's best for their kids? How they encourage their kids? How they're proud of their children? How they even cover for them when they make mistakes or at least don't blow little things up into huge deals that make the kid feel like an idiot? Not perfectly, no parent does that, but most of the time?
Well, dark tetrad parents are just the opposite. Most of the time dark tetrad parents sabotage their kids' success, or at least feeling of success. Occasionally they might seem to encourage but that's only to string the kid along, to keep them duped into thinking they have parents that love them. What we are to them are possessions and servants. And the only way to keep us in servitude is to throw us the occasional crumb. But it's always self-serving and agenda-based.
Instead of wanting what's best, they want the worst for their kids. They put us in dangerous situations with dangerous people. They do scary weird things that undermine our confidence. They kick us out of the house for some trumped up thing we supposedly did. They terrorize us. They make us afraid and then mock us. They turn their backs on us. They set us up to fail. They put up stumbling blocks that we fall over. And then they laugh. They sucker punch us and kick us when we're down.
They're never proud of us and they make no bones about it. No matter how good a job we do, they just dismiss it. When I graduated university Magna Cum Laude my dad just sniffed and said, well, college isn't for everyone. They eff up self-confidence too. My dad who was arrogant AF, would scold me for "showing off." If I felt good about getting all the housework done that they had set for me, he'd snap that I shouldn't do it for praise. I should just do it. Then he and his wife would find fault with it. I never did feel like I did a good job at anything.
They only time they feel pride is in themselves. They spin our success to be theirs. They remind us how much they did for us. Which in my case was damn all. I paid my way for everything beginning around age 16. They shame and blame us for their failings. The child of dark tetrad parents feels only self-hatred. Sometimes it gets suicidal. Sound like I'm making it up? I'm not. Ask anyone who identifies as being raised by a narcissist.
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