Hi there my friends. I'm working to heal CPTSD from 60 years of abuse and neglect by four dark tetrad (malignant, entitled, cruel, manipulative) parents, who called themselves Christians. I started a series recently on 25 Biblical and moral principles that narcissistic parents fubar for their scapegoat kids Really, I guess, all their kids. Because no matter what role you are assigned in the dysfunctional mess they call family, it is in their best interests and not yours. And I say 25 ways but really it endless. Because dark tetrad ruin EVERYTHING.
Today I'm looking at the concept of respect. So the basic definition of respect includes regard for someone's feelings, needs, dignity, uniqueness and rights. It means being kind and decent. And not doing things that are hurtful or devious. There's a lot of discussion on whether respect must be earned or whether people just deserve it for being human.
Basic respect isn't earned. It's something you just give because you're a good person. BUT it's also reciprocal. You don't have to earn it either. And between parents and children, the parents demonstrates respect first and the child, hopefully, comes to learn it by example.
But narcissistic parents get a hold of the wrong end of the stick. They wrongly define and manipulate respect to mean honor, reverence and adulation of themselves. They mash it up with allegiance and deference and homage. Now, normal people know that this type of respect must be earned. They are due it just because they are they. Dark tetrad insist they don't have to do anything to earn it. However others must jump through all sorts of crazy hoops to earn their respect. Which the dark tetrad never gives.
Dark tetrad parents demand that their children demonstrate their skewed definitions of respect towards them which the parents have never modeled towards her or anyone. They expect mature adult behavior of a child when all they've shown is immature, petty childishness. They exploit, mock, shame, demean, degrade, insult and bully her. They have no regard even for her basic needs. They cheat, lie and steal from others. They're cruel and ruthless. What the child sees are parents who are disrespectful of everyone. They are above all rules of respectful behavior.
Yet they demand ceaseless respect from her. They don't even define what they consider respect. They expect the child to just know what they want and give it. And their expectations are endless. Any petty whim may fall under the definition of respect and failure to comply equals disrespect.
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