Hello my friends. I'm working to heal CPTSD from a lifetime of abuse and neglect by four narcissistic dark tetrad parents. I started a series on biblical and moral principles that dark tetrad parents fubar for their kids. Today we're looking at number two, the concept of family first, or just family in general. And when I say kids, I mean specifically the scapegoat child. Dark tetrads are hostile, arrogant, exploitative, nasty bullies. The scapegoat child bears the brunt of their hostilities. They heap bizarre demands on her and she can do no right. While their pet kids can do no wrong.
My situation was extra-especially weird because I was the only child of two narcissistic parents who divorced, remarried other self-centered people and had other kids. You would think, as I did, that this would be great because now I had siblings. And oh lucky me, four parents to care for me. Ehh, not so much. What I had now, was four irresponsible, demanding bosses on whom I had to dance attendance. Each new kid just added more responsibility for me.
Narcissistic parents who remarry have this bad habit of thinking of their new family as their real and only family. That's because dark tetrads think they own people, especially their children. They believe, in their entitled heads that they can somehow cut ties with the child from the previous marriage, just like they did the first partners. When they divorce, they cast out the kid just like the old mattress. They "divorce from" and exclude that child in their new families. At least mine did.
And yet, I was too useful to discard completely. As I've said, dark tetrads are completely self-centered. None of them had any intention actually caring for these new people they imported. So they had to finagle a way to get me to do that. And that way was gaslighting me into believing that I was part of their new families. They fed me a line of BS a mile long about how their new people were my parents, siblings, yada yada.
I was always hearing about how family came first when it came to expectations placed on me. What they didn't say, but meant was, OUR new families sans you, come first. YOU come last or nowhere because you aren't part of us. We ditched you. You're just an unpaid employee. And really not even that because employees have some rights and benefits, which you don't. You're a slave, chained to your machine we call family.
It's even worse when the dark tetrad parents call themselves Christians. The Bible is just another tool in their arsenal. And do they weaponize it. They use all the religious jargon to con the kid into thinking all this is just God's will for her. They throw scripture at her like arrows. And they live completely contrary to said scripture. Mine started in almost immediately on me, with their nonsense about the many things the Bible said I was and wasn't supposed to do. And the many ways these things didn't apply to them. I was too young to catch on to this hypocrisy.
But now I have. My eyes are opened to the double standards I lived in. I'm recalling, now, the utter misery it was. If that was family, I would have been better off an orphan. Because then, at least, I'd know I had no one. I wouldn't have kept trying to fit in, to homes whose front doors were barred to me and where I was expected to use the servants' entrance.
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