Hello my friends. Today I'm starting a series on Biblical and moral principles that dark tetrad (selfish, arrogant, manipulative, cruel) parents completely fubar for kids. Today's post is on humility vs. humiliation. That one issue alone has led many of us victims of narcissistic parent abuse damn near ending it all. Here's how.
So if you're a Christian, or even if you're of another faith or just try to be a good person, you know how important it is to humble yourself. The Bible requires it. Every major religious and mental health discipline requires this. In fact, all teaching on morality does. Because pride (as in arrogance) is a sin or character flaw that leads one way: down.
Now, "Christian" or religious dark tetrad parents are ALL about ramming pride vs. humility down their scapegoat child's throat. They constantly Bible beat her with commands to avoid pride, humble herself, give tirelessly without reward, be a servant, bend her "stiff neck" and basically grovel before the almighty.
Ironically, all these commands of God's about pride do not apply to their other kids. They have protected and exalted status. They are allowed to be and usually are arrogant, narcissistic, nasty and demeaning wee gobshites to the scapegoat, just like their dark tetrad parents. Actually Gen 2 is often worse. They've had a good education in at the master's knee, in bullying the scapegoat.
What they hiding however, is that this almighty she's supposed to serve is not God but them. They brainwash her into a cult like devotion to themselves. They twist and distort her image of God the Father (and Son and Holy Spirit) into one that looks nothing like the actual deities but exactly like themselves.
Literally their every command (and they are legion) must be obeyed instantly, flawlessly with a fawning smile. They expect her to read their minds and anticipate their demands. Regardless of how unable she is yet to perform any these adult and often impossible tasks. They also never model obedience to anyone least of all God. They do as they damn well please.
And the harder the child tries to please everyone, the more she is shamed and ridiculed. Nothing is ever good enough. It's not even close, they say, their voices dripping with disdain and disappointment. Just as she gets one of their fires put out, seven more start. I see now that it actually pisses them off that she's so compliant and humble. They've got to knock her down. She's told she's vain, proud, attention-seeking, yada yada. And she's still letting God down.
It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, a double bind, this constant tail-chasing they expect of her. The more crushing, inappropriate and unrealistic, unsafe burdens they put on her, the more she falls. Never mind that no one is helping or showing her how to do it (they don't know themselves). But the child doesn't get that. All she knows is that she's a failure. And boy do they rub that in.
Which brings me to the point of this post. Dark tetrad parents screw up virtues of humility for their kids by transposing it with humiliation. If the meaning of humble is low or bent down, the child already is that. She's bowed down by the weight of their expectations. The ones who are not humble at all are the narcissist parents. And they use shaming, jeering, mocking, backstabbing and manipulation to humiliate her.
And how they get away with this is effing deviousness personified. They begin when she is tiny and far too young to even speak yet. They hand select scriptures that were actually written to them as adults and remodel them into commands for the child. They use these fake hodge-podge scriptures to continually browbeat and humiliate the child into serving them.
They expect her to do things God would never expect. They subject her to evil people and situations. They bind her up to burdens they don't lift a finger to carry. They live in complete contradiction to these principles. They play on the fact that biologically they are her parents. They con her into believing their new spouses are parents. (Biblically they aren't). And as such have all this purported power over her which they use to machinate situations that keep focus on her "disobedience" and off of their own lack of humility.
Because make no mistake. These people are not humble. These people who are always calling out sin and pride are arrogant, self-righteous, unbending, remorseless, immoral, judgmental, conniving and deceitful. They lie like rugs. They gloat in others' failure because it makes them feel superior. They gossip, spread rumors and concoct stories that paint people in a bad light.
As for the expectations God has for them toward the child, well, all that is conveniently never mentioned. If the child shows some reluctance or self-care, stamp it out, hard. Slap the term "pride" on it. Shame her for daring to cross God. Gaslight her again and again. Then, even when she becomes an adult, she has a devil time distinguishing between God and parents. But I'm working on that.
Let me just conclude with a warning from the Bible. A little reminder about what lost paradise for Adam and Eve and all of us: pride. Playing God. Posing as God. Woe to anyone who leads a kid astray. Woe to anyone who will not
No comments:
Post a Comment