Hi guys. It' me with more on working to heal from narcissistic parental abuse. I was abused emotionally, physically, mentally, sexually, financially, medically and religiously. I was both neglected and exploited, manipulated and invalidated, abandoned and endangered, scapegoated and marginalized and gaslit about it all by four narcissistic parents. For nearly six decades I didn't even see let alone work to heal it. Now that I have seen, I'm relooking at everything that happened. Every time I do, I see that it was much worse than I thought. I'm beginning to understand how I was brainwashed and gaslit to think it fine, or my fault or that I was oversensitive.
And since the childhood trauma was so exaggerated and the CPTSD has gotten so bad, I'm going to have to take extreme measures to heal it. Desperate times call for desperate measures. With that in mind, here are some odd, surprising ways to counteract and heal from narcissistic parental abuse. Some might even shock you because we've always been taught they were wrong or bad.
Fight back! I'm not fighting the narcissists. Two are deceased and with the other two it wouldn't be worth the effort. They've had decades of practice in humiliation, invalidation, manipulation, triangulation, exploitation and gaslighting. Lying and hurting come naturally to them. What I'm battling are the demons they've implanted in my brain. And I'm going to need every tool of spiritual warfare for this epic battle (prayer, scripture guidance, and St. Michael's intercession, plus the armor of God).
Shout at the devil. I will not listen to the voice of evil, prompting me to hate myself. That's not God, like they said it was. It's demonic.
Listen to God. Obviously? you're thinking. Well, for me it's not so obvious. Because all my life, I've listened to what I thought was God and was really Satan speaking through my four self-centered, manipulative parents. He was always goading, shaming, twisting and deceiving me. But I'm a big girl now and I can read scripture and talk to God Himself. Every time I do, I see more wrong things I was taught.
Go no contact. I'm not going to subject myself to one more of their random act of violence toward me. No more ambushes or drive-bys. No more weird, gaslighty, bizarre interactions that leave me miserable. I'm declining invitations to the self-pity parties. The mind games and power plays stop here.
Quit forgiving and start accepting. What is forgiveness anyway? Well, narcissist parents would say it's something I had to do for them. Even thought they weren't sorry and believed they'd done nothing wrong. So word salad-y. We can hurt you and not be sorry but you have to forgive it? Oh and you must also be perfect. God says. But I believe that what expects is to accept that the past is never going to be any different than it was. Which leads me to the next thing.
Read my Bible. Uh, again, you're saying, duh? But it wasn't that easy for me. Scripture was weaponized against me till I grew to hate the Bible. They twisted it so that everything they did was perfectly fine and everything I did was wrong. But every time I read scripture I see how messed up that was. So I'm starting to...
Call them out. Maybe not to them in person because they are dangerous narcissists. But in my head and on this blog. They have always proclaimed to preach scripture. My mom just posted on Facebook how "hell is still hot" so everyone better get their acts together. While she has consistently lied about every single thing she has ever done and not just to me but throughout their lives. My parents and stepparents blatantly broke the commandments, ignored the words of Jesus, rejected what they didn't like, gave their pet sins protected status and flouted God's word. And I defended them, excused their behavior and absorbed, like the good little scapegoat I was, every bad thing they did. Pretty soon I believed that it wasn't them at fault but me. So I'm going to...
Stop taking their sins on me. They'll need to start looking to Jesus for that because it's not my job. I was blamed for their bad choices, hurtful behavior and willful disobedience. They said I was both too sensitive (to their hurtful behavior ) and too critical if I confronted or just seemed not on board with all the crazy they put me through. But that's not true. I wasn't the one committing adultery, stealing, lying, cheating, exploiting, and hurting children. If they don't stop preaching and start practicing, it will be too late. But that's still not my responsibility. They can come to Jesus or not. Because I...
Quit enabling. No more making excuses. She didn't mean to. He meant well. She's old and senile. She can't help it. I misunderstood. I can't stand idly by and let them get away with it. God is calling them to repentance and if I keep letting them scapegoat me, He can't get through. I can't stop it but I can stop me feeling guilt and shame over someone else's behavior. I'm going to...
Stay in my own lane. I'm going to do me and stop trying to be and do for them. They were never there for me as a kid except to take advantage of me. So I need to be there for me. If I don't' I'll drown in the despair they inbred in me. So I will
Swim out of this shame riptide and toward the harbor of God's love. He's there. In fact, he's rescue swimming with me. Will they get there? I can't worry about that. I hope so. But there's nothing I'm going to do about it. Been there, couldn't fix that. I'm not body-blocking anymore. Even if they want to talk about it. I'm going to...
Stop giving so many chances to hurt. Their need to unburden their souls doesn't constitute any obligation on my part. Any talk we have ends up in pity parties, shame fests, scream-a-thons, lying, gaslighting, "forgetting" what they did to me, exaggerations of their victimhood. I end up playing toxic waste dump and more confused and hurt. So I'm going to...
Do what's best for me. And that is NOT to have more contact. Been there and have the scars to prove it. So maybe that won't happen. Maybe they really will be sorry. Maybe I'm disobeying God by withholding my help. I'll take that up with Him. Thus far, He's given every sign that working on my healing is His plan for me. And since my parents were the ones causing me to need healing, staying away seems the best idea.
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