Hi guys. This blog is about truth-telling about my narcissistic parents, finally after six decades of believing their lies. I've shared before about some of their weirder and more disturbing behavior toward me. Today is another list of bizarre and hypocritical things two of my "parents" said that I didn't realize till recently just how odd, hurtful and paradoxical they were.
1) "Not interested till I need something." My dad paid no attention to me throughout my life. He abandoned me for like two years. He said he didn't "do" little kids and he'd care when I got to my teens. By this he meant complete disinterest, failing parental responsibilities to me and lack of involvement in anything about me: health, safety, school, feeding, clothing. My uncle knew more about me than he did. Yet, dad was greatly interested when it came to getting things from me. By the time I was 12, he'd divorced my mom, gotten married again and had a new family. He cared then because he wanted free housekeeping, babysitting and a servant for his new wife.
2) "You look ridiculous." My dad knew nothing about my life, needs, wants, dreams, fears. He left me to wander at 5. He ran off leaving me in a strange place, 2k miles from my home. Was I fed, clothed, given medical treatment, kept safe? No and he couldn't care less. Until, out of the blue, he noticed that I was wearing my pants rolled to the knee and striped socks (in my Bay City Roller phase). He suddenly got very angry, said I looked ridiculous and to go change. Into what, I'm not sure because he'd never bought me clothing or even saw to it I had underwear. Everything I had was Christmas gifts from grandparents. Even the "ridiculous" BCR garb, LOL.
3) "You have anger problems." Throughout my life, my dad and his new wife exploited, shamed, neglected, scapegoated, bullied, lashed out at, invalidated, dismissed and harshly punished me. They made me parent them and their kids, do pretty much all the housework. They made me work, unpaid for long hours in their adult foster care home. They didn't allow me friends, a bedroom, or any after school activities. I had to co-sleep with their baby. All before the age of 15. They neglected my basic needs. Whenever my stepmother was upset I was told it was my fault. She was constantly upset. I never once talked back. My dad raged regularly. Yet I was the one with "anger problems."
4) "You're such a mess you need counseling." Which yes, after all their abuse I did. But not for help with my "disobedience" toward God as they put it. I needed help coping with these four delusional, self-centered, abusive, neglectful adults in my life. And the shitshow they called family life. And their constant chaotic crazy. However, instead of a licensed counselor I was sent, at 13, to their minister. Probably because they knew a qualified therapist would see who the real problems were. They thought he'd further gaslight me about me supposedly failing God and them. Interestingly he took my part and had a talk with them. Alas he didn't follow up or report anything and that only made things worse. Narcissists don't like to be questioned. And if they aren't exposed their abuse gets worse.
5) "You don't need help coping. You're just showing off." So as I said, I did need help, but not for anger. I was too accepting of their abuse. When I needed it was at 6, during the Alaska nightmare when I was homeless, left with strangers, wandering alone, abandoned by parents who were running off leaving me, hooking up with other people and blowing our family apart. But no, I was on my own then. Mom shaming me into shutting up and Dad on a "mission trip" nowhere to be found.
6) "You're lucky we had a good divorce." Yes, I was told that. And it never occurred to me to believe otherwise. Until I told my husband who shouted "WTF???" What then is a bad divorce? One where you neglect your first child ✅✅and favor your others? ✅✅. Let your new hookup abuse your kid? ✅✅ Take advantage of your kid? Exploit her. Make her feel it's her fault? ✅✅✅✅✅✅✅The endangerment, abandonment, parentification and neglect were already well underway. There's really no way they haven't mistreated me.
7) "We can't afford...(insert whatever thing Marilisa needed)." I went without a bed, medical care, bike, clothing, food, sanitary needs, to name a few. I've slept on unheated porches and when I wasn't co-sleeping with their children. I was kicked out at 16. I paid for my own college and car. Yet they could afford exotic pets, breed animals, cigarettes, motorcycles, new cars, new homes. I went hungry so my stepmother could have expensive diet food. Their other kids never went without. They stole from me. So they weren't poor. They just didn't care to spend anything on me.
8) "You owe us." For all the care they said they gave me but didn't. I believed it and kept funneling money to them. Until I quit. I'll just let the insanity of that read as written.
9) "You disrupted vital government work." The same stepmother who couldn't stand me and exploited me at every turn, moved herself into my overcrowded home after leaving my dad. I fell for her sob story about how my dad wanted her to do a suicide pact. Mind you, no one gave a shit that he'd been traumatizing me with his suicide threats since I was 5. But anyway, what she was really after was access to our family computer. She stayed up all night, sexting with a pedophile calling it a "sting operation." In the AM, my kids, her grandkids, asked me about the string of sext messages in the chat window she left open. When confronted, she blamed me for interrupting her work and putting kids at risk. I cannot make this shit up.
10) "You have to help me because you've screwed up so much." Because I was made to be servant and parent to my dad's kids, I let them do any weird upsetting thing to me they wanted. Their second son once called me in the middle of a cast party to ask me to help him out of domestic violence charges. My narcissistic parents said his wife was abusing him (who never held a job) by asking him to come out of his "prayer closet" help with the family. Even though he's the one who shoved her. Brother then said "mom and dad told me to call you because you and your husband fight." Though they knew nothing about it, shamed me for it, had provoked it then offered no help. And now he was exploiting it.
11) "I'm an addict but how dare you say so?" I made the mistake of telling bro when he called, not to put too much store in what parents said because they were both addicted to drugs. Dad had taken morphine 3x daily for 10 years. His wife was a morbidly obese smoker, addicted to Vicodin. who went to prison for writing fake scrips. I should never have shared that with him because he's just as narcissistic as them and would use that against me. But you know, family fixer fixes. I told him to say nothing to them which I stupidly thought he'd respect because he was the one who asked me for help. Which of course, he didn't' but ran to tell them I said they were addicts. Which of course enraged the addicts.
11)"You drove a wedge between me and my estranged son." I also told my brother about his mom using our family computer to lure pedophiles. He then went and confronted her. He was estranged from her because he was embarrassed that she was so obese that she was required custodial care by age 50, paid for by welfare. She did nothing but watch TV, play games on her computer and eat on the taxpayers' dime. She confronted me at work with a venomous email accusing me of "causing problems between her and her son." My dad, of course, stood by and said nothing. He later pretended he didn't know but said it was okay because it was "covered by the blood." His weird way of claiming blanket forgiveness without actual remorse.
This is only a snapshot of some things that one side of weird family did.
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