Hi friends. I've written a lot about my CPTSD from narcissistic parental abuse, neglect, endangerment, abandonment, exploitation, manipulation, triangulation, scapegoating, shaming, parentification and gaslighting from four narcissistic parents. This helps me heal and hopefully, helps you too. Today I'm writing to warn us both against about weird gaslighting ways people defend narcissistic parental abuse.
First a word about these defenders of narcissistic abuse. They have been called flying monkeys (as in The Wizard of Oz). Which is a good term, in that they flap around shooing off the victim and protecting the abuser. Because the abuser has them conned into thinking that she is the victim being persecuted by the person she is actually hurting.
But the operative word there was conned. The flying monkeys' "sympathy" is engaged and leveraged by the abuser with self-pitying lies and self-serving distortions. Which are spun to the gullible monkeys who then take up her cause. They aren't very bright and ignore the evidence in front of them that she is the problem. She even exploits and hurts them with her narcissistic abuse. And then, like the Wicked Witch, laughs about they are.
How does this occur? It's complicated but yet also simple. There's a weird phenomena in which the version of the story that is believed is the one who tells hers first. And the narcissist makes damn sure it's hers and punishes anyone who dares to question it. When she hurts someone, she goes on the offensive. All eyes are diverted to the victim who must now defend bullshit lies said about her.
They flap around squawking "how dare you?" when the victim didn't actually do anything. "She's your mother?" "He's your father?" (completely overlooking the fact that the victim is also their child, who they are supposed to care for). "How can you be so cruel?" (if calling out what someone did is cruel, then what they did must have been pretty bad). Everyone is now busy comforting the poor narcissist who turns on the pitiful and pathetic full blast. They don't see her gloating smugness behind it. Ding, ding, ding she wins getting to persecute then get pity for it, thereby persecuting her victim even more.
And her poor victim usually ends up feeling the guilt she should be feeling and apologizing to the very person who drew first blood. Which further convinces the weak-minded narcissist that she really was the victim and that God and everyone is approving her abusive ways. She can literally do no wrong. I shake my head when I think how often this has happened to me.
In the next post on this subject, we'll look disturbing things flying monkeys say to defend narcissistic abuse and keep you enslaved to your abusers.
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