Hi friends. I've been sharing a lot about how I was abused, neglected, abandoned, endangered, bullied, intimidated, invalidated, parentified and gaslit by four narcissistic parents. In my last post, I discussed how narcissistic parents who divorce and remarry, often scapegoat one child ( the OG kid). And how they treat their scapegoat child vs. their golden children. I ended with a promise to discuss the worst thing narcissistic parents do to the scapegoat. Today, I'll share from firsthand experience as the scapegoat, what that is and why narcissistic parents who divorce and remarry are so nasty to the child of their first marriage. And why they favor their new kids.
It's quite simple. Narcissistic parents don't like or love the scapegoat. In fact, they want to hurt, punish, shame, abuse, neglect, destroy the scapegoat. There is no low they won't stoop to. Nothing is good enough for the golden kids and nothing is bad enough for the scapegoat. And make no mistake, they purposely intend that the scapegoat should know this and feel the hurt they are inflicting.
Why? Because it is vengeance for the child of their first marriage, daring to be. In my parents' deluded, twisted, selfish minds, I was thwarting them so they scapegoated me. I was a constant reminder that they had failed their first marriage, their covenant with God. Not only failed but thumbed their noses at God and willfully went against Him.
See, in the narcissist's mind, there is no God but them. I call the shots, they think. I can make things up as they go along. Oh that first marriage? That wasn't real. The child that came from it wasn't real. I can detonate it at will. I can walk away from the child I created, "remarry" and have my real family with my real children. I can exploit and take advantage of her because she has the audacity to exist. Her presence calls into question, my delusions.
Narc parents are also jealous of anything anyone gives their scapegoat child. Including love and including God. They believe and gaslight her into believing that she steals things that the real children deserve. It's they who are the thieves though. They deprive the scapegoat of everything and give it to their spoiled golden children. My parents took money and possessions given to me by family and gave them to their new spouses and other children. They gaslit me into believing I didn't deserve anything. That I wasn't the deprived one. That I could never do enough or give enough to their new families.
My parents and their spouses thought they could just start a shiny new life without me as if I was refuse they could throw out. But the rest of my family didn't see it this way. They had the nerve to love me, despite my parents' dictate that they accept the new family and kids as their only family. They spent their lives being jealous of my grandparents love of me. Like me being cared for somehow deprived their other children. It didn't. My grandparents were bigger than that.
Which makes me see that it wasn't that I was getting what others deserved. It was that I was being acknowledged as a full person. Not just the scapegoat and servant they used me as. And not just by family. I was a reminder that there is a God and He's not them. That he disapproves their selfish ways. That He refused to accept that their new spouses, family and kids were their real and ONLY kids.
The fact that I existed annoyed the hell out of them. I was a reminder that they had feet of clay. That I existed because God willed it. So the scapegoat represents all the people who've not given them their way. And that God calls the shots, not them.
Seen in this light, all the abuse was vengeance. If they could not erase me, they could certainly neglect their responsibility to me. If I had to be around, they would exploit me for all I was worth. They would abandon and terrify me so I'd be grateful for any crumbs of care. They would endanger in the hopes that maybe I'd be killed or abducted and they would exonerated. They would intimidate, gaslight, bully me till I was cowed into submission. They would shame and invalidate any sense of self-worth.
And they succeeded for the past 59 years.
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