Why it's impossible to just "rise above" malignant narcissist behavior (and other stupid nonsense advice)

Hey friends. Mar here with more on how I'm attempting to heal from decades of narcissistic abuse by two selfish parents and their abusive partners. Today I'm going to debunk some of the stupid nonsense advice people get about dealing with narcissists. One of the worst is "not to take it personally" and "rise above." This is not only incredibly insensitive, it's impossible. 

First of all, you need to know that anyone who says stuff like that, clearly has never lived with a self-centered malignant narcissist or they wouldn't make these comments. I won't say it's even well-meaning advice. It's just meant to make themselves feel better and is actually narcissistic itself. In some cases the person is passive-aggressively shaming you the victim, gaslighting and and affirming the narc in their abuse of you. 

Let's start with the infamous "don't take it personally." It sounds good in theory. And it can be helpful if the person really wants you too feel better and isn't just defending the narc. In that case it's just it's the old "you're too sensitive" BS which is one of many tactics malignant narcs use to gaslight, shame, invalidate and manipulate. Because what it implies that you can stop the narc hurting you just by clicking your heels together and pretending it isn't what it is, a targeted attack.  

Advice like this also dismisses that very real problem, that the narc isn't accidentally being hurtful, they are going out of their way to. They want you to personalize it. They are targeting you and they want you to know it. If you do rise above (what that means) they will double down on the attack. So stupid advice to pretend they aren't doesn't protect you, it makes it worse. 

The best advice I can give, from decades of narc abuse is to either call it out when it happens and then cut contact with them or just cut or limit contact and know it is about you. But it isn't your fault or problem. This is not an argument or a two-way street. What you shouldn't do is to believe that it is something you provoked. The narc attacks you because he has chosen you as the target. And you've been if anything too nice and patient.