Hello my friends. I've been working for the past year or so, to recover from parental abuse, neglect, exploitation, endangerment, abandonment, parentification, scapegoating, toxic shaming and gaslighting about it all. Well I say recover. But really it's more like just beginning to wrap my mind around it. Today I'm going to explore further how abuse and gaslighting by my four parents (mom, dad and two stepparents) has destroyed my ability to understand right and wrong.
Notice I didn't say know right from wrong. I "know" what accepted as good vs. bad behavior. I know and understand that I'm supposed to treat others (loving, kind, helpful, etc.) What I don't know or understand is just what loving is supposed to look like or how other people are supposed to treat me. All the toxic shaming and scapegoating and gaslighting I lived with has sabotaged my ability know that I should expect to be treated with common respect and to protect myself from disrespectful, hurtful behavior.
I've said before that it's like I have emotional leprosy. I have no protective layer. My life was characterized by constant boundary smashing, inappropriate expectations, unrealistic demands, Draconian punishments, deprivation of basic resources, exposure to unsafe people and situations, parental exploitation for personal gain, scapegoating, weaponized religion, toxic shaming and then gaslighting about it all. Everything about normal childhood was knocked sidewise and ruined by parents, their spouses and kids. So my normal was very abnormal and unhealthy.
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